I got my first tattoo over 11 years ago – and I’ve been dying to get it removed for about 10 1/2.

It happened when I was 23. Justin, my boyfriend at the time, was covered in ink – sleeves, chest, the works. I was so completely attracted to it.

So one day, after a couple of glasses of red wine at Patsy’s, we headed to Rising Dragon tattoo parlour then located at the Chelsea Hotel. It felt right. Being a lifelong New Yorker, getting a tattoo at the Chelsea Hotel seemed like the best idea ever. My artist Carlos Alfonso (AKA CFUS) was super sweet and talented.

While Justin had super artistic work that had a lot of thought put into it, I had no clue what to get. However, like many girls my age at that time, I knew exactly where I was putting this new brand – my lower back, of course. Yes, a tramp stamp.

Even though this was something that was going to be on my body forever, I chose a tribal pattern out of a book in about 30 seconds. Considering Justin’s knowledge and experience with this, I still sometimes wonder why he allowed it. But I was beyond excited with my choice.

I sat through the pain and was thrilled at how it came out. But soon after, I started to regret it. I would catch a glimpse in the mirror and a feeling of horror would come over me: this was permanent. It was years before I even seriously considered going through tattoo removal but it crossed my mind soon after that session.

Then I got a second one, on my wrist. It was symbolic and meant something very meaningful at the time, once again having to do with a boy. It was not a drunken, hasty decision. Plus, a tiny black star on teh wrist isn’t really bothering anyone.

The third piece of body art came in 2009, immediately following my wedding. My ex and I wanted to get our wedding rings inscribed but I opted for an all-diamond band, making that impossible. So we got ourselves inscribed with matching art instead. Even as we were going through our split, I never had any intention of removing it. It was a part of me, a symbol of my past.

Things have changed. The marriage is long over and I am entering my mid-30’s. Since the tribal tramp stamp was on my lower back, I rarely ever saw it. But for the past few years, I have found myself growing increasingly insecure about it and looking into the process. At the beach, I tried wearing bikini bottoms that were perfectly placed to hide it. At one point, I thought my ex mother-in-law was going to have a heart attack over it. And guys I dated were constantly making comments – some liked it (ironically) while others offered to pay for its removal.

I should have taken them up on it, because after years of wanting to do it I am now shelling out triple of what it cost to get the tattoos to remove them. Yes, the tribal stamp and the marriage ink are finally saying goodbye. It will take a while – about 6 to 8 sessions – but I’ve set the wheels in motions and there is no turning back now. I really only wanted to remove the lower back ink but when the tattoo remover at Serenity Tattoo Removal offered to do them both for the same price, I couldn’t resist. It’s time to finally let go.

It is the most painful thing I have ever felt. It hurts way more than getting the work done. I couldn’t touch the burnt skin for days and it felt like it was melting off. But I feel like I am finally cleaning the slate and letting go of things that no longer serve me, and for that the pain is worth it.