as part of my coursework for Institute for Integrative Nutrition, we listen to the leading forces in health and wellness talk about their particular ways of being healthy and living balanced lives. Since I began in May, I have heard lectures from the biggest names around including Barry Sears (The Zone), Deepak Chopra, Walter Willett, David Wolfe and Geneen Roth – my new personal favorite – among others. But this week’s discussion was definitely the one that hit home the hardest. It was Eric Schlosser, the author of Fast Food Nation.

I first read Fast Food Nation right after college, when it first came out. I used to gorge myself on McDonald’s as a kid, and the Taco Bell kiosk at Dairy Mart in Amherst was my go-to for a snack. Bean burrito with no onion, add rice? I’ll take two. And a large orange soda.

But when I read that book, something changed for me. I was completely sickened by the fast food industry. Overnight, I stopped hitting up The Bell and changed the way I thought about what I was eating. Still, I was just out of college and spending most nights drinking, so I’m sure there were some slip ups. Either way, I have been pretty anti fast food ever since. The mass production and low quality is just shocking to me. I am a total food snob; I always want the very best. And I’m certainly not finding the best at Wendy’s.

However, what really struck a chord in me was the way the animals are treated. I’ll spare you the details but, believe me, it’s worse than you think. Way worse.

I went through something similar in high school. My best friend Michelle and I watched this sick (sick as in disgusting, not awesome) movie called Faces of Death. I honestly can’t remember any of the specific details about what they did to the chickens but those two, excruciating hours were enough to get me off of meat. For 8 years. Seriously.

I went vegetarian around sophomore year in high school and it basically lasted until the end of college. But I was a very, very bad vegetarian.

Not because I was eating meat on the sly; because I was not replacing it was necessary proteins and minerals that I was missing. I binged on bagels and pasta instead of veggies, whole grains and beans. I lived on mac and cheese, Veggie Delight subs from Subway and those requisite Taco Bell bean burritos. And, most embarrassingly, calzones from DP Dough. I obviously gained some weight and was not in my best shape. But I was still happy to be meat-free. (Disclaimer: I was a lacto-ovo vegetarian so eggs and dairy was kosher. Giving up cheese would have NEVER happened)

But after I graduated and moved to the city, I slowly started to bring the animals back. Maybe it has been long enough since seeing that movie, or maybe my body was simply craving it again, especially since I wasn’t eating right. I remember my first steak, with my then-boyfriend Justin, at a serious steakhouse in Brooklyn. I gagged and got really sick and it was months before I tried again. But then I was hooked. I started getting bacon on my veggie sandwiches. Of course I would like a side of sausage with my egg whites! I finally ordered the famous burgers at The Spotted Pig and Corner Bistro. I was a full-blown carnivore.

And I was basically ok with that. I would have moments where I questioned it (like when I bot down on a hunk of cartilage. Gross.) and I still couldn’t eat any meat off the bone (it just felt so barbaric) but I was back in the game.

Until now.

I don’t know what to do. I’m having another food crisis. I went through a vegetarian phase a few months ago when I first started classes at IIN, but it was short-lived and I went back to chicken and turkey within a few days. This time, I’m eggs and dairy only. And I’m seriously contemplating going full-on vegan. Crazy!

For the past week, I have subsisted on quinoa, veggie soups, grilled asparagus and bean burgers, and I’m into it. Thankfully, I’m now a health coach and a nutritional advisor so I know way more about how to eat right than when I attempted a life without meat almost 20 years ago. I also got an unbelievable VitaMix blender from Michael last month and have been playing with different juice and soup recipes. Butternut squash soup in 45 seconds? Grinding my own almond butter? I’m filled with joy – and saving a ton of money by not going out every single night!

And dining out – my absolute favorite thing in the world to do – has been a new experience. I’m lucky to live in two cities where being a vegetarian is very common and very accommodated. My favorite meal was dinner out recently with my vegan friend Eve and her hubby Richie at an amazing  vegetarian place called Darbster in West Palm Beach. I traded in my filet mignon and got a hummus platter with raw crackers and tabouli. Yum. And you know what? Raw vegan pizza from 4th Generation in Boca is really really tasty!

The best part? I can still go to Morton’s and Abe and Louie’s or any of those dark, manly steakhouses. They serve the BEST veggies. You basically get an entire head when you order a side of steamed broccoli at these places. For $15, but still.

I don’t know how long this will last or how hard core I’ll get but I just know that for the present moment, this feels right. I can’t imagine ordering a meat dish off of a restaurant menu after just listening to Eric Schlosser describe the way chickens and cows are forced to live their miserable lives. And I just feel a lot healthier.

But who knows. I am all over the place; knowing me, ill be on an all-meat diet in a month. But today, I’m fighting for the little guys and feeling pretty damn good while doing it.

PS, what I’ve been cooking…

The “famous” Brussels:

My whole grain spelt noodles with veggies:

Meat-free. Yum.